Want smarter kids? Just be nicer to them. I know, that sounds strange and simplistic, but research shows that early nurturing aids in brain development. Children’s brains develop better if their parents are more nurturing and positive in their interactions. In other words, the parents are just nicer to their kids! The study was concerned with just mothers, but I’m including fathers because their interactions with their kids are so important too.
It’s not easy being nice if you are overly stressed. With the current economy and job insecurity, it’s difficult to eliminate stress. Finding ways to put job frustrations behind you when you get home is an important goal. Learn ways to manage stress–it’s important for your own health as well as your children’s well-being. Getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night will help you deal with stresses, including parenting stresses. Making that a priority is a huge step towards managing stress. Establishing routines with your kids keeps everyday stress under control. Have a bedtime routine and a morning routine to help things run smoothly.
Look for ways and times to interact positively with your kids. Use your time driving with them in the car as a time for conversations. Make a habit of reading to them at bedtime. Say “I love you” often. Try to not overreact (yell) when they do something you don’t like. If you keep overreacting, it means you need to work on your stress management. Praise all behaviors you want to encourage. Play with them. Give hugs every day. When you child says, “Hold me,” it’s because they haven’t had enough one-on-one time with you. Physical contact is important for them to feel secure and loved. It will help you get rid of stress too.
We all have busy lives, but this is something hugely important to get right. Don’t short-change your kids when this positive interaction can help them feel more able to handle the stresses that will come in their lives. The love you give now will sustain them the rest of their lives. That’s quite a return on investment.
Perhaps you were parented in a negative style. That example is probably what you follow whether you realize it or not. That’s not your fault. But you can break that cycle by making a determined effort to change the pattern. Your efforts could go on in a positive pattern for many generations to come!
Click on the label “manage stress” below this post for more ideas. Click on any of the other labels for more tips and ideas.
Maggie says
That’s right, Ash! How does it feel to be a genius? Thanks!
Ash @ Sterling Effort says
My mum was lovely and I’m a freakin’ genius so that’s scientific enough for me! Great post, Maggie 🙂
Maggie says
So true, Marie! Now that our kids are grown they still feel good to hug. We are fortunate to have grandkids to hug. Even when they don’t want too many hugs they will snuggle in while you read to them & that’s awfully nice too.
Marie at FamilyMoneyValues says
Any parent should cherish those times their kids says “Hold me” – you’ll miss those times soon enough!
Maggie says
Average Joe, we noticed the same thing with our kids. Our daughter really used us as her sounding board in high school and that continues now that she’s an adult. It’s wonderful. Our sons do also, but to a lesser degree. Our family has become a real joy in our lives even though they are all grown.
Maggie says
Gary, you’re right, it’s frugal! Also they might get scholarships, but even if they don’t they’ll be working at their highest potential. And when it gets difficult in college or the job, they won’t be so tempted to quit. That persistence is often a main ingredient in success.
Maggie says
Retire by Forty, it’s not easy decompressing, but very worth it. Sometimes listening to music on the way home helps.
AverageJoe says
I’m so happy we were (generally) nice to our kids. Another benefit of this? Now they’re 16 and tell me everything about drugs at school, what’s going on at parties, etc. It isn’t a report as much as it’s just a normal flow of conversation that I used to avoid with my parents.
I know I can’t be there all the time, but I love having an open and honest relationship with them now. I’m sure they make some dumb decisions, but generally, they know what they should be doing.
Gary Foreman says
Not only is it true, but it’s frugal, too! (didn’t expect that to rhyme…sorry!) The love that we give our kids in their first few years can help them avoid major bills from counselors and psychiatrists later in life. A big time savings!
retirebyforty says
That’s good to hear. Of course, I like to be nice to the little dude. I’m pretty stressed out these days and I’ll have to make sure to decompress a bit before walking in the door.
Maggie says
All true, Darwin. While it’s not an easy job, it’s tremendously rewarding!
Darwin's Money says
Oh how I love research studies! (especially when it’s good news, not bad news). Makes sense, everything in moderation IMO to raise a happy, healthy, successful kid. Good sleep, socializing, sports, lots of exploring and reading…and being involved in school.